It is with the greatest of regrets that I am finally hanging up my hat and quitting this clan. I shall miss most of you, for the majority of you made me feel welcome at all times. I shall miss those of you I became friends with, and shall keep your names on my friends list, so that you may at any time contact me, and I you :). Don't worry, I shall keep in touch. :)
I know you've seen this coming for a time, and to be honest, if I knew myself, I saw it coming also. I highly doubt that any of this surprises you, but I feel I must get some of this off my chest, and you never listen to me "in person" and so I'm posting here what I want to say. You ask every now and then what I think of you, what your clan thinks of you, and until now, I've always been the peacemaker, telling you what nice things I could find it in my heart to tell you honestly.
The truth is, and I say this in all sincerity with no intention of malice, spite or hatred, that the largest part of the reason I am leaving, is you. You have taken almost all the joy out of this game for me. You gave me an undeserved strike for "being abusive" when in truth the worst thing I said to you that night, was that you were exactly like David. From the moment that sentence hit the screen I could almost see you spit fire. Your hate of him and anyone that had anything to do with him has killed your old clan and ruined and spoiled the game for the members of your clan. I had to battle with you to accept shannon, and Olivers friend, into the clan. Yes, Olivers friend who had never even been in davids clan but was merely a friend of a former clanmate of his. That is how deep your hatred runs, and it's ruining things for others.
Having realised how much that strike upset me, you then told me you would think about taking it off in no more than a week. Three weeks later you told me it was permanent. For three weeks you strung me along, never intending to remove it and just lokoing for an excuse to keep it there. And the whole time, I still bent over backwards to do things your way, to please you. And none of it meant anything. And my offence this time around? When I was told by Adeel, at 40 past the hour, that I was "too late and actually I couldnt come to the event now" I said "actually yes I can". That was my henious crime. Did he tell you he ordered me not to come? Did you even come to me to ask? no, why would you? That would be fair. And yes it was corroborated by Omma....who isn't even in the clan and sent me nasty pm's herself. I bet you werent told that, either. I bet you don't even care, but I won't be around to find out.
You set up a schedule for myself and adeel to run the early events, but adeel has taken over every single one of them, including the ones im supposed to run, because you put both our names on it instead of sticking to the schedule we agreed to in the senate meeting the previous week. Yes thats right he completely took over. I bet you thought I wasnt bothered to run them, but guess what? It didn't go like that. You've taken votes while I was still travelling to the house to take part in voting. You've excluded me piece by piece from this clan, and still that's not enough for you. You even have to censor me in chat, last night when I was discussing the books I had bought at the bookstore. I think Im old enough to know whats good to discuss and what isn't. A friend in your clan asked for recoomendations, and asked me what I had bought. I didn't think it was so wrong to answer, but apprntly, even that's not allowed now.
You also show a huge amount of favortism to adeel. Please don't say you don't because you do, and I'm not the only one who has noticed it. How about when you had a rule that you must stay in cc at all times? How many times did I see him online and not in cc? Your response? Oh well he doesnt need to be, you're there. (meaning me). When you made the rule about orporals and above being in chat, again he flouted that rule, again you took no notice. but if I left the chat, I was asked to come back in. And as to running events, the first time you needed soemone to run one, you went to Adeel. You even admitted to me that myself, and lite, others of the same rank, were not even considered. We didn't even enter your mind. And yet there we both were obeying all your rules. And when we voted on a timetable of who would run early events, you still put adeels name on every day. Yes you put my name too but we had made an agreement, but like other agreements or arrangements gone before, I guess they didn't matter to you. Adeel seemingly can get away with talking how he likes to people, disrespecting them, flouting the rules, and nothing gets done about it. But dare to stand up to him, to make a stand for ones self, thats punishable by a strike, ostrasization, a harsh lecture, whatever you're in the mood for. And as stated before, I'm not the only one who's noticed it.
You claim that we dont have to go to all events, even if we're online, we only need to go to 2 a week. But if anyones online you do hunt them down and demand to know why theyre not at events. You don't listen to what your clan wants. It's your way or the highway regardless of wether everyone agrees or not. There are those in your clan who respect other members more than they respect you. No, I wont name names. But when a clan leader is not the most respected in the clan, and indeed, in some cases, disrespected, then it comes to something. I've heard the word "dictator" used when it comes to the topic of you, and it didn't come from me. But such is the person you are, they are afraid to say it to you.
If I know you, and I think I do, when I'm gone you will say all manner of derogatory things about me. (of course, I'm not adverse to being proved wrong about this)But guess what, K'ana? I don't care any more. I will not be bullied, heckled, picked on by you any more. I am free of you. What you think or say is of no consequence any more. And do you know what? Ever since I made this descision and decided to quit your clan, I've actually started enjoying the game again. That's something you took from me bit by bit but I've taken it back.
So, I'm leaving your clan. I'm taking with me no harbouring of grudges or ill-will. Just an immense sense of freedom and an enjoyment of the game. I leave behind me 4 pieces of advice, along with my best wishes.
1) Learn to listen. Don't just pause and wait for your turn to speak, actually listen, and try to hear. You have a lot to contribute but that doesn't mean others don't have.
2) The David Issue. Let it go. For your own sake, and for others. Holding onto grudges only destroys you, and pulls down those around you who are dragged into it. It doesn't in the least affect the one you have the grudge against.
3) If running the clan is too much for you, expecially if you're planning on quitting, then pass the torch onto someone else. It's not failure, it's moving on.
4) You don't always have to be king of the castle. Sometimes it's nice to be led as opposed to being the leader. Not always, just sometimes.
I wish you luck in the future. I really hope things work out for you. #
Ps - I want no verbal comebacks from this. I could block you, but I won't, as a sign of faith that you will read this and take it in the constructive spirit it is meant in.